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Day 23: My Lavender Army

6 Oct
Lavender army

Lavender army

I run a sovereign garden community. And like every good totalitarian¬†government, it need invest an exorbitant amount on the military. Following in the footsteps of good fascist leaders of our world, I’ve started up my own army – a lavender army to be exact.

Since last week’s Mean Kitty incident, I’ve decided that border guards are necessary. I enlisted spikey lavender to this arduous task. You see, this website suggests many other impressive technologically advanced mechanisms like cat ultrasound, and motion sensored smart water attack systems, but I’m an old fashioned dictator. I like to use biological deterrents.

So to my garden military supply chain I went. Home Depot had a whole crate of lavender plants – just what I was looking for! I brought 6 of them home and planted them strategically in my garden. One I placed directly in front of the entrance to the beast kitty’s spy hole in the fence. Others I scattered across the garden.

You see, cats do not like robustly fragrant plants. Lavender being extremely pungent is a good cat repellent. The lavender have stood guard for over a week, and since there have been no kitty trespassers that I have seen. My lavender army is proving to be a winning strategy against the “War on Kitty Terror”!

Stay tuned for more updates on this breaking kitty alert.

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Day 13: The Villain

26 Sep
Mr. Poopers

Mean Kitty

Every story has a villain. Whether small or big, no mystery is solved without first finding the evils that plague it. My garden is no different. It has a villain too, and I witnessed first hand, his dirty paws preying on my seedlings.

Meet Mean Kitty. Do not let his fat stomach and white paws fool you, this feline is a scoundrel. A nomad who is likely the culprit that is destroying my peaceful garden community. Today I witnessed him slyly trespassing into my garden. He jumped the fence, landed solidly in the garden and began pacing in the planters. I came face to face with him, stared him down, and even flailed my arms wildly at him in hopes of scaring the beast. He gave me one look, turned his nose up and walked the other way. Little brat!

Finally, he chose a  spot just outside of my sprouted leaflings (thank goodness) and started digging! My heart about fell out of my chest. He dug and dug and then stopped. I froze in anticipation of what he was to do next. And what he did next made my jaw drop. He careened his butt to my face and started pooping!

A few seconds later, as quickly as he dug the hole, he had covered it right back up. Evidence hidden, he must of thought.

Not so, scoundrel! I saw you!

After relieving himself, he decided to take a little sun bath in my back yard. That’s where I snapped a photo of his dirty self. I think he thought himself proud, giving me a pose or two. I wanted to shoot him.

In the past week I have found several pieces of poop around the garden, one openly planted on the planter’s edge, as if a gift to taunt me. I didn’t think much of it. But now that I know he’s made my garden his pooping grounds, I’m rather miffed (perhaps more so at the neighbors for having such a reckless little kitty).

After spending many hours tending to my little greens, I feel a certain maternal attachment to them that I will defend by every means possible. It pains me to know that a simple cat could decide to dig them up with one swipe of his evil paws and my hard work would be destroyed. What is an overprotective garden momma to do?

My first thought was to KILL THE KITTY! Touch my babies, you die. Second option less the psycho death match was to put a winter shield or some sort over the plants so they cannot be invaded by kittyzilla. Third option, which can and likely will occur with option two, is to call out the neighbors on their poorly behaved, free pooping kitty. The thing is a rascal. It once made it up on to our roof. We have a 3 story house! How it made it almost to the top of our 3rd floor will remain a mystery. But like all villains, they possess evil powers that can only come from no good.

If anybody has any good cat repellant to use in gardens, please let me know.

For now, this website is giving me some good ideas on how to GET RID OF CATS in your garden. Planting lavender, it says, is a good repellant. I’m shocked because I used to have a whole planter full of them. And guess what, no cats! I’m sad that they have all died. For the time being, I’m going to look into this chicken wire solution and commercial cat repellants like “Shake Away”. Cats be gone!